pre-china

in a little over 12 hours, i will be aboard korean air flight 435, headed for korea, then to china. before i leave, i thought i’d jot down some of the thoughts that have been mulling in my mind for the past several months.

there’s really nothing else that i’d rather be doing than this. for the next 8 days, i get to witness firsthand the things that God is doing in the nation of china. right now, halfway around the world, God is raising up the largest movement of missionaries that the world has ever seen in order to fulfill the great commission.

i wish i had the words to describe the excitement that is bubbling inside me. its like nine-tails chakra to the tenth power. theres really nothing that i’m bringing to china that they lack, i’m only putting my life in the center of God’s mission for this world.

i know that many prayers have been over our china team, and i know that many people will be praying for us over the next 8 days. my prayer for you all is that you would get to know God’s heart for your own life and we’ve always been invited to sit at His table and dine with Him. i’m humbled and amazed by your friendship and partnership during this time, but i want you all to this truth for yourself. it’s much like the old adage, “it is better to give than receive”, it is better to go than to send. we can do it family. we can initiate Christ’s return. it’s in our power, it’s in our gifting, it’s in our authority to do it.

i know that i wouldn’t be able to go on this trip without the financial support of many of you, and for that i am eternally thankful. but God said that that the harvest is plentiful, and the workers are few. He never said the funds were few, only the workers. as blessed and moved i am by your partnership financially, i would rather have your physical partnership alongside me carrying the last instructions of Jesus; to go out and make disciples of all nations.

we’ve gotta make Him known. the world ain’t gonna save itself.

love you all.

1 Corinthians 2

 ¹ And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. ² For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. ³ I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. ⁴ My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, ⁵ so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

God’s Wisdom Revealed by the Spirit

 ⁶ We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. ⁷ No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. ⁸None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. ⁹However, as it is written:

   “What no eye has seen, 
   what no ear has heard, 
and what no human mind has conceived” 
   the things God has prepared for those who love him—

 ¹⁰ these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

   The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. ¹¹ For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. ¹² What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. ¹³ This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. ¹⁴ The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.¹⁵ The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, ¹⁶ for,

   “Who has known the mind of the Lord 
   so as to instruct him?”

   But we have the mind of Christ.

buyers remorse

so i’m considering the difference between apathy and detachment.

apathy would be the loss of motivation or interest in anything, or the inability to feel emotion or passion about a subject.

detachment for me is more of the separation of interest by choice or by interest in something greater.

apathy connotes a neutrality of feeling, while detachment is a redirecting of focus upon that which is greater. there is a concept in psychology called cognitive dissonance whereby a person experiences conflict by maintaining ideas of two dissenting opinions. this is seen in the idea of buyer’s remorse. oftentimes after making a big purchase, the buyer will begin to regret their decision. this is known as buyer’s remorse. i’ve spent too many years and too many dollars investing in this world and hoping that it would provide me with the fulfillment that i was searching for. the problem isn’t that i want too much, the problem is that i dont want enough.

matthew 6:24 and 1 peter 2:11 both call for detachment from this world and call us to set our eyes elsewhere. it seems like more and more God is detaching my state of mind and my heart and setting it upon the kingdom of heaven. even the pursuits that i’ve had that were seemingly good and “godly” have given way to a life that sits at His feet in utter adoration.

more and more i find that my house is built on the rock-solid foundation of God rather than my own my sandy attempts to be a better christian.

i borrow from the words of dr. bob moorehead to better explain my thoughts:

I am part of the “Fellowship of the Unashamed.”
The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line.
The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Christ Jesus.
I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future secure.

I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees,
colorless dreams, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity.
I now live by presence, lean by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough,
my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed.

I will not flinch in the fact of sacrifice,
hesitate in the presence of adversity,
negotiate at the table of the enemy,
ponder at the pool of popularity,
or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I am a disciple of Christ Jesus.
I must give until I drop and preach until all know.
And when my time is up, He will have no problem recognizing me.
My colors will be clear.

I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ…(Romans 1:16).

 

i haven’t checked out yet, but my bags are certainly packed and i’m just waiting for my ride.

smells like…

have you ever gone to a restaurant with no intention of eating, but after catching a whiff of food, your entire attitude changes? occasionally, i’ll go without much of an appetite and something in the air will cause my mouth to start watering like i’m one of pavlov’s pups and he just rang the dinner bell.

it’s like the very scent of something brewing is the assurance of something great to come. even before you taste it, you can expect to be wholly satisfied based on the smell of it alone.

well something big is brewing in my life, guaranteeing that what is to come will be wholly satisfying. draw near and take a whiff. catch the scent. do you smell it?!?!?

stay tuned, in hoc signo vinces is back!

“For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.” 2 Corinthians 2:15

lean on me

a passage from the book of mark has been lingering on my mind for a few weeks now, specifically, mark 2:1-5. the passage tells of a group of friends who carried their paralyzed friend to Jesus. Jesus saw the extraordinary faith of the friends, He in turn healed their paralyzed friend. this passage has been speaking loudly and clearly, setting the example of how friendship looks, acts, and is used.

selah

i’ve always found it somewhat easy to make friends, difficult to make family. by family i don’t mean by law or blood, but those that know me and care for me as we are called to love through scripture. i am saddened that the people that know me the best will never be listed as next of kin, despite having walked with me in prayer and fasting for years.

selah

i can count on my friends to carry me to Jesus when im fatigued by fear, crushed by circumstances, or paralyzed by persecution. as they’ve carried me through the years, the best way to reciprocate that love is to do the same.

selah

i’ve seen the face of friendship. it looks like this…

selah

if you call me friend, and i don’t point you towards the love of our God, then i have failed.

joyful joyful

“a person who has no taste for the enjoyment of Christ will not go to heaven.”    – john piper

if you thought that salvation was the beginning and end of being a Christ-follower, you thought wrong.

“if anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed” -1 cor 16:22

“whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than Me in not worthy of Me.”

- matt 10:37

“if God were your Father, you would love Me.” – john 8:42

loving Jesus is the only mark of a true child of God. good day!

Shibboleth

about a month ago, i was repairing my bissell steam cleaning vacuum while poring over different thoughts in my head. the result of that day was the beginnings of a sermon that i hope to preach someday, and carpets so fresh and clean that i literally ate off of them. this is the written memoir of the thoughts of that day.

in the book of judges, there is a story account that describes the defeat of the ephraimites by the gileadites. (wikipedia dates it at 1370-1070 b.c.) as a result of the battle, many of the surviving ephraimites were displaced and were seeking to sneak back into their territories by the jordan river. now, being that the ephraimites and gileadites didn’t really have any distinguishing physical differences between them, there was a simple way to identify any ephraimite that was trying to sneak by the gileadite soldiers. any passerby was instructed to repeat a simple word, and if they were able, then they would be allowed to pass safely. all they had to do was to say the word “shibboleth.” easy, no? well the ephraimites didn’t have a “sh” sound in their alphabet, and so would pronounce the word as “sibboleth“. it would be quite similar to asking my parents to repeat the word “lullaby” or “wooden”; inevitably they would unknowingly say “rurraby” and “ouuden.”

judges 12 tells us of the effectiveness of the simple test, 42,000 ephraimites perished by failing the test. the reason that this relatively unknown story came to mind? i believe that there are many among us that claim to be christian, and many of which sincerely believe it as well. to tell the difference between those of genuine faith and those of counterfeit faith is not readily discernible, but there is always an occasion for the truth to come to light.

this is my friend boaz shalomev. he recently immigrated to the united states from israel, where he spent the majority of his 49 years. he is a homeless jew that resides in rhode island. the left picture shows boaz eating his first bite of bacon, in his life. having been a devout jew, he had never tried pork until only a few months ago. the picture on the right shows the general friendly disposition that boaz always carried with him.

while living in providence, ri over the summer, i had the great privilege of meeting boaz. a friend of mine had discovered boaz living on the street, and offered him a place to stay and steady meals. boaz had moved to the united states only a few weeks prior, having been ostracized by his family in israel for proclaiming Jesus Christ, as the messiah that he and his people had all been waiting for. thats right, boaz is a messianic jew.

boaz stayed for nearly two weeks with us, always keeping our spirits up with his jolly, albeit awkward sense of humor, and regaling us with stories, uttered through his raspy accented voice. on several nights, boaz and i shared private moments, discussing the significance of Christ in our lives as tears would stream from both of our eyes. boaz taught me many things about the jewish faith, and how Jesus Christ fits the exact image of the messiah that is foretold in the tanach. i was drawn to boaz, because here was a man whose faith was evident beyond church attendance, small groups, and tithes. we gladly opened out home to him, not because he was a believer, but because he was in need.

several days later, boaz was gone. gone also was my laptop computer that i had brought for work. gone was $500 that was loaned to boaz so that he could settle his green card affairs.

boaz showed me so many things, talked about Jesus in a perspective that i could hope for, and displayed an attitude that would put most christians to shame. and just like that he was gone. that was his “sibboleth.” i have no idea whether or not the faith that boaz professed was real or an elaborate hoax. i can only hope and pray that his faith was real and that the Spirit would grieve him of the break of trust that he committed.

boaz is my friend. he may be just a con-man who can talk the christian game, but that wouldn’t be much different then the millions of people who fill pews every sunday in america, grumbling over having to lose sleep and pay money to a church. in the end, talk is always cheap. matthew made it very clear in his epistle, chapter 7:15-20,

¹⁵“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”

it’s not enough to be able to recite memory verses, sing songs on sunday, and live a relatively moral life. faith begets action, and actions display faith. when it comes down to it, do our actions point to our savior? that is our “shibboleth.”

Stop the presses.

ok, no more of this nonsense that i’ve been blogging about. from here on out, i return to truth. truth about me, about my observations on life, and the Truth, a la john 14:6

a little off the chest

so obviously, you’ve realized that there is no regularity whatsoever to this blog in theme or timing of updates. when something begins to boil over, or something strikes a chord with me, i tend to blog about it. sometimes.

this is something that i’ve wanted to mention for a while now, but didn’t find the correct avenue for, until now. i’m very thankful that my parents raised me in a way that gives me great respect for all women. indeed, women are the fairer sex. that being said…

there aren’t too many things that i consider a turn-off, but this would definitely be one of them. perhaps turn-off is too mild of a metaphor. turning the light switch on a lamp off is effective in eliminating the light… imagine turning the switch to the “off” position, then removing the lightbulb and crushing it in between ones toenails. after that, take the cord and sever it from the lamp itself and dispose of it according to your county’s standards. find the circuit breaker to your house, cut off all electricity to your home and wallow in the blissful silence and darkness. furthermore, call dominion power, thank them for their years of reliable service and alert them that you will no longer require electricity in your home. yes, perhaps you see a better picture of how i feel about this topic.

when a drunk girl poses for a picture while flipping off the camera, that is when my eyes vomit on my face. thank you.

i salute thee

today, my heart stopped beating for a moment.

without getting into too much detail, i took my dad into the e.r. at fairfax hospital because he was exhibiting stroke-like symptoms.  he was unable to speak coherently because his mouth was twitching out of control. after talking to nurses for a bit, we were put into room 14 to await a battery of tests to figure out just what was going on.

at 6:10 p.m, my heart stopped.

my dad began to say something to me when his entire mouth seized up. this happened twice before and only lasted for mere seconds, so i waited for his muscles to release the tension. so i waited. and waited. and waited.

after what seemed like forever, i could see that he was getting worse and that he had completely lost control. for a second, my heart stopped beating and i was frozen, as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. i ran out of the room and called the nurses in, returning to see my dad on his side, seizing uncontrollably and foaming at the mouth. in that very instant, God was real. the nurses ran in and quickly took control of the situation, administering medication, suctioning the spit from his mouth, and putting him on oxygen.  i was barely able to move, felt completely helpless, crying out to God from the depth of my heart and soul.

my dad is okay now, thanks to the great staff of fairfax hospital, and the brothers who dropped everything they were doing to pray for my dad. i salute thee.

God is real people. today, He was my rock and fortress.

No Retreat, No Surrender

Most people don’t know the hidden battle that i’ve been waging for many years now. There’s been victory, but with each premature celebration comes the inevitable backsliding of defeat. It has plagued me for far too many years like the proverbial thorn in my side.  I’ve shared this battle with many of my close guy friends hoping to learn some time-tested, battle-proven strategy, yet we all find ourselves on the same side of this seemingly futile battle. In the end, the only strategy is No retreat, no surrender.

By this point, to name it seems meaningless. It has permeated every facet of our culture and shows no sign of slowing down.

It takes its notoriety from the famous German offensive that came across Belgium, Luxembourg, and northeastern France.

It is known by many names, but for me it has always been the…

“Battle of the Bulge”